


The Price of Love

by comicgeekery



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, Romance, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-27 20:12:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17773481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comicgeekery/pseuds/comicgeekery
Summary: The Stans get invited join a reality dating show. They have the chance to win a beautiful woman's love...or a million dollars. Stan knows what he's going after, but Ford is less sure. Now the brothers must compete with each other and dozens of other men to determine the true...Price of Love.





	1. First Impressions

**The Price of Love**

**Chapter One: First Impressions**

_Decoded from the journal of Stanford Pines_

_Today I have begun what is, undoubtedly, the stupidest project I have ever been a part of. Naturally this means that it’s Stanley’s fault._

_Two months ago Stan approached me to apply to enter a “reality” show. I was only vaguely familiar with the genre, but that was more than enough for me to know that I wanted nothing to do with it. I am a serious man with no interest in such circuses of sensationalism and manufactured drama. I told Stan as much and he dropped the subject._

_I should have known it was too easy. He’d mentioned that the show had a cash prize, after all._

_A week ago Stanley informed me that he’d sent in entries for both of us because “twins always get more attention.” (While that is certainly true I would have thought that Stan had long since tired of us getting special attention. I know I have.) Naturally he only told me because some idiot of a network employee decided that the Pines Twins should be seen on television._

_Why am I here? Why couldn’t I just stick to my resolve and tune out Stan’s endless pleading? True, the prize money could be quite useful towards my future experiments and (as Fiddleford pointed out) the exposure could help me to get some sort of book deal. Still, I cannot endure the thought of…_

“Sixer! Geez, would you knock it off with the writing already?” Stan tried to grab Ford’s journal away, but Ford hugged it to his chest and scowled.

“I told you not to call me that, Stan. Not for the next _two months_ that we’ll be busy with this malarky.” Ford frowned and smoothed out the page he’d been writing on. His gaze shifted over to his hand. “It might be a term of endearment for you, but if I’m going to be on television for the whole country to laugh at I certainly don’t need them to know I have nickname based on my deformity.”

To Ford’s relief, Stan actually took him seriously. “Sorry about that, Ford. You’re right. We’ll probably be dealing with a lot of idiots here. We gotta look out for each other.” He put a hand on Ford’s shoulder. “That also means I’m not gonna let ya fall back into saying you’re ‘deformed’. You’re my idiot genius brother and I’ll still cream anyone who says there’s anything wrong with you.”

They smiled at each other and for a moment everything was okay. It was like they were kids again and nothing bad had ever happened between them. Ford found he couldn’t say it out loud, but he was so glad for these moments and the fact that they were becoming more common. Three years ago it had been so easy to slip into paranoia, to decide he should never trust anyone again. Now every time he could honestly smile at his brother, Ford felt a little more human again. 

Which was the real reason he was now at the set of a ridiculous dating show in California.

They were surrounded by people: camera crew, showrunners, miscellaneous staff, and a large number of obnoxiously handsome men. Ford presumed the latter were their competitors, as they were being dressed in tuxedos and covered in make-up. A woman had just finished applying a layer of powder to Ford and Stan that Ford kept forgetting he wasn’t supposed to touch. It wasn’t his fault the stuff tickled! How did women manage to wear this junk everyday?

He sighed in frustration as noticed yet another patch of foundation that had somehow managed to blemish his sleeve. He rubbed at it and shot a look at Stan. His brother looked about as tense as Ford felt. “How much longer are we going to have to stand around here? Aren’t we supposed to be, I don’t know, dueling with these fellows over a pool of gelatin to try and win a date with a woman we’ve never met?”

That did the trick. Stanley broke into a wide grin and shook his head. “You didn’t watch a single episode of the show before we got here did you?”

Ford snorted. “Why would I? You already told me this place is going to be wasting two months of my time. I wasn’t going to let it get even more in the way of my experiments.”

“No, I said the filming would take _as much as_ two months. It all depends on how far we get in the competition. If we’re real unlucky we could be on our way home tonight. There’s thirty guys here right now, but ten’ll be kicked out right away for not making a good first impression. That’s why we got her these presents.” Stan held up his own wrapped box and shook it proudly. “These’ll be what’ll make us stand out!”

“Hmm, we could be heading home tonight, you say?” Ford tapped his chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “You know, since we still have some time, maybe I should change my present. There’s got to be a garbage can around here somewhere that I could use to fill my box…”

Ford laughed as Stan punched his arm. “Don’t joke with me like that Six--uh--Ford. I know you don’t wanna be here, but this is a chance at a MILLION bucks! We’ve gotta do everything we can to win this thing, alright? Don’t you dare throw the game on me!”

“Of course not, Stanley. I understand.” Ford held up his hands placatingly. “I still don’t think I’m going to do more than humiliate myself for a round or two, but I’ll give it all my best shot.”

The smile on Ford’s face was strained, but Stan seemed willing to take him at his word. That was lucky, as Ford didn’t think he could put much more effort into pretending he wasn’t living his worst nightmare. (Well, aside from the return of Bill, but that was in a class of its own.)

“Alright, all suitors to the front,” a woman called. The day had been a blur of new faces but thought he recognized this one as the show's director, Angela. “We're going to do some one-on-one interviews with each of you and then you're going to get to meet our fabulous bachelorette. So now's the time to check if you've got something in your teeth. Remember, this show will be seen by millions!”

“Yeah,” Stan nudged Ford, “even Ma and Fiddlenerd will get to see this. Better put on our best faces!”

Ford stopped poking at his teeth and froze. “You told Ma about this?”

“She loves the show, Ford! She was the one who gave me the idea to audition in the first place. There was no way she wasn't going to find out!”

“Perhaps. But that means Pops…”

Stan's gaze darkened. “Fuck whatever Pops has to say about it. We may be going after a million bucks, but we're doing it for us. Let's shake on it. Pops doesn't get a dime?”

Ford took his brother's hand firmly. “Not a single cent.”

“Stanford Pines? It’s time for your one-on-one,” called out Angela. 

Stan grinned. “Go break a leg, Ford! And remember, don’t say you’re after the money. The audience never likes that!”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Ford murmured nervously. This was going to be his first time in front of the cameras, but Stan had coached him plenty about the basics of the show. 

They were all competing to woo a woman named Mika Susan. The winner would then have a choice of staying with her or getting one million dollars. It seemed a little cruel to Ford, but who wouldn’t choose the money? After all, women were a lot easier to come by than that sort of funding. In theory, anyway. Ford had never had much luck in the dating arena. There had been a few brief trysts with women here and there but nothing that had lasted. He wasn't expecting this to be any different.

He settled into a chair in front of a few cameras and smiled nervously at Angela. “So how does this work, exactly?”

“It's nothing to be worried about,” she explained. “I'm just going to ask you a few questions about yourself. Most of it probably won't even make it into the show. So relax and just answer naturally.”

Most of the questions were pretty straight-forward. He had to give his name and profession (scientific researcher was vague, but apparently enough to satisfy them). Then they asked something a bit more difficult.

“So Ford, are you ready to fall in love?”

Ford wished he could just be honest and say he was there to make his brother happy. Or to win a million dollars. But he thought of his mother watching him and all the hopes she’d always pinned on him being happy and in love one day. He knew she would probably have her hopes on him or Stanley meeting and winning the woman of their dreams. Ultimately she was bound to be disappointed, but he didn’t have to let her down right away.

“I...I’ve never really been in love before,” Ford admitted. “I’m hopeful that I’ll get to enjoy this as a new experience.”

“And what do you like about Mika so far?”

So far? So far they’d all seen a five minute interview with her like the one he was giving now. She’d said she was a sociologist, which was interesting he supposed, but beyond that her answers had all been bland and one-dimensional. The best things he could say about her was that she was pretty enough for TV and had nice teeth! Surely these people didn’t expect actual love to emerge from such limited data?

“She...seems very nice. It would be interesting to talk about her work with her. Since we’re both scientists. I...like women I can have good conversations with?”

Angela looked a little disappointed that he hadn’t burst into poetry or whatever else she was expecting. Ford squared his chin though and stared stubbornly back at her. She had the answer he was going to give.

“Alright…” Angela said, taking down a few notes. “Last question: what would you do with a million dollars?”

Finally, something Ford could sink his teeth into! His face lit up as he prepared to explain all the ways that money could help his research. Then he hastily stopped himself. The anomalies of Gravity Falls were his life’s work and he still wasn’t ready to share them with the world, let alone on some trashy television show. Instead he gave a different answer, which was no less true.

“I’d like to buy a boat. My brother and I used to dream about sailing around the world. I’d like to make that dream come true.”

Angela nodded and made another note on her notebook. “Alright, very good Ford. We’re happy to have you aboard. Ha! No pun intended, of course!” She giggled and Ford forced a smile. “I’m just going to finish these interviews and then you’ll all get to see the house and...the future woman of your dreams!” 

An hour later Ford, Stan, and twenty-eight other men were in line to get into a series of limos to make their first impressions. But then when Ford went to get into his own car one of the stage hands pushed Stan forward too.

“You guys are going to ride together,” she said. “You’re twins. It’s your whole selling point.”

Ford rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Of course. It’s not like we’re two individual people with our own personalities and interests. You might as well just sell us as a two for one special!” He glanced at Stan. “This is all your fault, you know.”

Stan shrugged. “Eh, it’s not like we haven’t gotten used to being treated as a set. Besides, this way we’re less likely to get separated early on. Keep your eye on the prize, Ford!”

On of the other contestants came up to them, a muscular man with long blond hair. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much, you guys. They’ve got an angle on everyone here. Some folks got brought in to be handsome, some were brought in because they’re jerks. It’s all just about making compelling television.” He held out his hand to both of them. “I’m Kevin. I’m a lawyer and ameteur chef but I also collect tropical fish so they just call me fish guy.”

“Oi! Fish guy! We’ve got a schedule here! Get back in line!” called one of the crew.

Kevin chuckled. “I’ll see you boys at the house. Good luck with your first impressions!”

“Well, at least someone here is nice,” Ford commented as Kevin left.

“Yeah, I don’t like him either.” Stan scowled. “He’s a pretty boy with a sense of humor. They usually make it pretty far. We’ll have to watch out for him.”

Ford rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. He was just glad he didn’t actually care about winning this silly competition. 

He was impressed, however, when they got to the house they’d be staying at. It was a proper mansion! It looked sleek and modern with glass windows taking up most of the exterior. There were bright flowers and gardens all along the outside and Ford even thought he got glimpse of a swimming pool. It seemed their time on this show was going to be spent in luxury at least. 

They pulled up to the front door where there was another crew wielding cameras and boom mikes. Then, almost as an afterthought, there was a woman in a dark red evening dress. She was tall with short brown hair and noticeable curves. When she first came into view she was saying goodbye to the previous contestant to come in. 

Then, despite himself, Ford felt nervous. He wasn't expecting much, but he did want to at least make a good impression, both on Mika and the viewers. In elementary school he'd tried to hold a girl's hand and she'd screamed and run away. Maybe he wouldn't win the show but he wanted to at least be taken seriously as a contestant. As a human being instead of a weird six-fingered freak. Suddenly he wanted very much to survive through the first round. That way the viewers would get to know him at least a little bit. 

One round. That would be enough. 

He still made Stan get out of the car first though.

“Well hello, beautiful!” Stan was immediately. He took a leap and landed right next to a startled-looking Mika. “I should warn you that I’m a thief...and I’m here to steal your heart!”

Mika went to shake his hand and Stan leaned over and kissed the back of her hand instead. “I must be in a museum, because you’re a work of art!”

Ford wanted to hide his face in humiliation, but Stan seemed oblivious, sending out one cheesy pick-up line after another. Ford was sure Stan was going to get himself slapped any second now. Instead Mika giggled. “You sure like laying it on thick, don’t you?”

Stan laughed. “Just letting you know you’re dealing with comedy gold here, babe! Here, check it out.” He handed her his present which she quickly unwrapped to reveal a copy of his favorite joke book: 1001 Yuk ‘Em Ups. Ford had been tortured by its terrible puns on many a long night. He knew from experience it also had a whole chapter on pick-up lines.

“Well, that sure is...sweet?” Mika said uncertainty. 

“Sweet and _memorable_ , right sweetheat?” And then Stan actually had the gall to wink at the camera.

“Sure. That’s a word we can use. So who are...Oh! There are two of you!”

Ford had stepped quickly from the car to prevent Stan from making more of a fool of himself. Now he regretted it as all eyes and lights were upon him. Stan wasn’t fazed though. He threw an arm over Ford’s shoulders and gestured between the two of them. 

“That’s right! You’re getting wooed by not one, but two of the Pines men! I’m Stanley and this is my brother Stanford. Don’t ask about the names, our Pops wasn’t very creative.”

“It’s...a pleasure to meet you,” Ford finally managed to squeak out. He held out his hand for Mika to shake, but when she did she frowned and and pulled back. 

“Oh,” she said, “your hands!”

Ford quickly put his hands behind his back before the cameras could do a close-up on them. “Ah. Yes. It’s just a little birth defect that I have.” He looked down and blushed, unsure of what else he should say. 

“Oh, okay.” Mika sounded equally awkward. At least she wasn’t screaming or running away. 

Stan slapped him on the back. “C’mon, don’t just stand there, Ford. Give her your present.”

Right. The present. The gift he’d put about ten minutes of thought into. He’d had no idea what was an appropriate gift to give a woman so he’d just gotten her something that he’d like for himself. After all, if she rejected it then he would get something that he liked at least. 

He was uncomfortably aware of the cameras zooming in on his hands as he pulled out a small wrapped box. Mika opened it and took a moment to comprehend what she was seeing. “Hey, neat! It’s a set of metal dice!”

To Ford’s surprise, his heart did a little flip-flop. “You like it?”

She smiled at him. “Yeah! I game all the time. I’ve got plenty of dice but I’ve never had a metal set before. Thank you.”

Shockingly, she sounded entirely sincere. Ford shot Stan a smug look. Stan had been sure that such a nerdy gift wouldn’t go over well. Stan in turn looked flabbergasted. Then he had returned Ford’s look with an expression that clearly said, “Well, I didn’t know she was a nerd too!”

“It’s a pleasure to meet both of you,” Mika said with a bright smile. “Why don’t you head inside and get to know the rest of the guests?”

It was a relief to be dismissed. The twins hurried off inside. As soon as they were out of hearing range Stan chuckled. “Alright, I guess the first point goes to you. Just don’t get too comfy, Ford. I’m still in this fight!”

“Oh, so it’s a fight now, is it?” Ford joked back.

“It certainly is!” said an entirely too serious voice. The room had a dozen or so men in tuxes milling around. One of them came forward with a stern look on his face. “So you’re the twins, are you? I bet you think you’ve doubled your chance of winning, don’t you?”

Ford and Stan exchanged a look. Oh, great. A bully. “And who exactly are you?” Stan asked.

The man looked like he’d been waiting for that question. “I’m Jarrod! Or, as they call me in the crew, the smart one!”

Stan laughed outright at that. “Alright, nice to meet ya, nerdy-pants. But if you think you’re smarter than my brother you’ve got another think coming!”

Ford wanted to laughed too, but he suddenly felt less certain. “Wait, you’re not Jarrod Callow are you?”

“Ah, I see you’re at least informed enough to have heard of me,” Jarrod said with an incredibly smug expression.

“Who is he? Why should I care?” Stan asked.

“He’s one of the world’s leading physicists! He built the rover that’s going to explore Venus!” Ford leaned over and whispered to Stan. “Would it be wrong for me to ask for an autograph?” Stan simply punched his arm in response. 

Jarrod continued. “So, what did you simpletons give Mika? Because _I_ got her a necklace with a genuine piece of the moon on it! She was speechless, obviously.”

“Yeah, well maybe she was just trying not to breathe in more of that cloud of smug stink you have surrounding you. Geez, take a breath mint! C’mon Ford.”

They moved away from Jarrod who at least surreptitiously sniffed at his breath. Stan muttered to himself, “Stupid moon-rock brat. That guy’s going to be trouble, I can tell.”

“Maybe he won’t be so bad once we get to know him,” Ford said hopefully. “I’d love to hear about his work.”

“Sure, sure. You can nerd out all you want _after_ the show is over. For right now he’s the enemy. Remember that. You can’t trust anybody!”

Ford shuddered. It wasn’t too long ago that ‘Trust no one’ had been his official creed. He was glad he didn’t actually need to take it too seriously now. “I don’t need to worry about trusting them, Stanley. I have you.” He squeezed Stan’s shoulder and they grinned at each other. 

Just then there was a commotion at the front door. The camera crew came in, followed by Mika herself. She looked nervous and self-conscious as she waved to all the men in the room. “Wow. There sure are a lot of you. Well, um, why don’t we get to know each other a bit!” 

It proved easier said than done. There was a rush of men all trying to speak to Mika at once leaving a crowd around her that even the camera crew had trouble getting through. Stan and Ford skirted around the edges. Ford felt like a desperate fool trying to get Mika’s attention. Stan didn’t seem to have any reservations on the other hand. He flat-out jumped into the crowd, crushing several people in his wake. 

“Geez, the crowd-surfing here is terrible,” he said in response to Mika’s shocked expression. “Say, could you tell me a bit about your, uh, ‘gaming campaigns’? I’d love to hear about them!”

Ford’s jaw dropped. Of all the audacity! Stan was actually pretending to like role-playing games now? He’d mocked Ford for playing them for years! Even worse, his tactic was working! Mika immediately launched into a story from one of her games. The men crowded around her leaned in as though fascinated, though Ford could see that some of them were clearly bored by the story. As for Ford, he could barely make out what she was saying at the back of the crowd. By the time he got closer the subject had changed and Kevin was telling her some sort of fishing story that Mika was laughing happily at. 

After a few hours, Ford had still barely managed to say a word to her. His heart was rapidly sinking as Angela came forward and asked them all to form a semi-circle around a table with a pile of roses on it. 

“Are you ready to make your decision, Mika?” Angela asked.

Mika nodded. “I think so.” She looked around at the thirty men filling the room. “You’re all very sweet, but I’m afraid some of you have to go home.” She grimaced. “Sorry.”

“Alright, you should all know how this works,” Angela announced. “Mika’s going to give out roses to everyone she still wants to stay. As for the rest of you, well, it’s a good thing you haven’t unpacked your bags yet.”

Mika picked up the first rose. “So this one goes to the person who made the best first impression. And that has to be…” Mika watched as Angela silently counted down from three. “Jarrod. That moon necklace was just amazing!”

Ford felt Stan stiffen in annoyance beside him, but Ford kept himself calm. In truth, getting a sample of moon rock from Jarrod Callow would have won him over too. The man certainly wasn’t a jerk when Mika was around anyway. 

She called out more names: Bryan, Kyle, Austyn, Flavion, Darryn, Sebastian, Collin, Kevin, and…

“Stanford.”

Ford blinked in surprise. “Me?” Stan hastily pushed him forward. 

“I know we haven’t talked much yet,” Mika said, holding out the rose, “but I’d like to get the chance to know you more.”

“Oh. Me too! I mean, you. I’d like to get to know you too!” Ford stumbled through the words but managed to step forward and take the flower without incident. 

Even more surprising was when she called out the last name. “Stanley!”

Now it was Stan’s turned to be pushed forward. He needed it, he looked so shocked. “Seriously? The pick-up lines worked?”

Mika waggled her hand in a so-so motion. “I appreciate your charisma. Just maybe use my name from now on instead of calling me babe all the time.”

“You got it, Mika!” Stan whooped as he scooped up his rose.

“Besides,” she added, “I couldn’t split the twins up this early!”

The grin on Ford’s face suddenly became strained. Was that really what had gotten them through? Just being twins? Why was it so hard for people to see them as individuals? The crowd was dispersing now and one of the stagehands was guiding the winners to their bedrooms. Unsurprisingly, Ford and Stan were sharing a room along with Jarrod and a few other contestants. 

Stan gave him a high six. “We made it, Ford! Both of us! Now we’re really contenders!”

“Yes. That’s great. But doesn’t it bother you that even Mika just saw us as ‘the twins’?”

“Eh,” Stan waved his hand dismissively. “I figure whatever gets us ahead is a win. It’s not like we’re really here for _her_ anyway. Too bad though. She’s pretty cute. And she likes my ‘charisma’.” He waggled his eyebrows and Ford stifled a giggle. 

“You’re right. I shouldn’t worry about it.” Ford fell back on his bed. “I still can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Then he took out his journal and began to write.


	2. Group Date

**Chapter Two: The Group Date**

**From the journal of Stanford Pines**

_Against all odds Stanley and I are still in this ludacris situation. Mika chose both of us to move on past the first round! Admittedly it seems to be largely thanks to the novelty of us being twins, but I’m hoping to actually catch her attention with my individuality in this next round. It will be difficult, as there are still twenty of us here, but I’m sure I can manage to capture just a few minutes of her time at some point this week._

_Surprisingly, I find myself getting into the spirit of competition. I still don’t expect to actually win the million dollars, but I’m excited to give it my best shot!_

It was an odd dynamic in the house. The other men were wary of each other but also many were willing to be friendly. They shared bedrooms. They ate meals together. They even traded stories about their lives. But then Mika would come downstairs and they would all start circling like sharks again. Like twenty hungry sharks. 

Well, more like nineteen most of the time. Ford couldn’t bring himself to join that crowd all that often. He found that he felt a bit bad for Mika. From a distance he could see her struggling. Her smiles seemed forced. Her back was tensed. He could see the way she moved as though trying to find any place where she might spend a moment alone. That morning she excused herself to go to the restroom three different times.

That gave Ford an idea. An idea that would take careful observation but was sure to get him into the next round of the competition. 

Angela came in with her crew. “Alright Mika, it's time to announce the first group date. Remember to look excited!”

Mika put on a grin that was large enough to be alarming. “We're going to a drag show!”

Oh dear, was that what he thought it was? Everyone in the room let out a perfunctory cheer but a number of the men glanced at each other nervously.

“This isn't the same thing as a drag race, is it?” Ford whispered to Stan.

Stan laughed. “Not exactly. I like to think of it as a reverse strip show. You've been to plenty of those, right?”

Ford just slid his hand down his face and groaned.

The nervousness among the contestants continued when they got to the club, The Rainbow Riot. A few were being outright hostile to the idea of “men in dresses”. Stan on the other hand began to show his charm, talking about how he had once been a bouncer at a club that hosted drag shows.

“The queens there were like works of art, I tell ya!” he said. “Especially Cindy. She had this sad clown look that you wouldn’t believe!”

And then Mika was laughing. While everyone around her plastered on smiles, Ford could feel a wave of anger and jealousy rip through the crowd. Everyone there was think the same thing: Stan’s getting points and it should be me!

Suddenly everyone had something to say.

“I worked as a bartender at a gay club one summer! I mean, obviously I’m not gay but…”

“Drag queens are the best! Some of my friends dressed in drag for Halloween a few years ago!”

“I AM COMPLETELY SECURE IN MY MASCULINITY!” 

For once Ford felt that it was to his advantage that he kept his mouth shut. 

The Rainbow Riot was...intense. When they came inside they were greeted by a whole crowd of women in over-the-top make-up and costumes. There were bright colors and decorations everywhere. They were seated around a catwalk stage with the men competing to sit directly next to Mika. (Stan managed to get one of the seats due to a complete lack of shame, while Ford wound up a row back.)

Then the show began. It was a parade of women (men?) in some of the highest heels Ford had ever seen. They had enormous hair and make-up that was extravagant and colorful. The thing that struck Ford the most though was how much confidence they walked with, not afraid of being judged, not afraid of tripping. They moved with a pride that was so regal Ford could see why they were called queens.

Mika and Stan cheered and whooped for the various performers and soon the rest of the crowd joined in, Ford included. It was hard not to have fun with the upbeat pop music blasting from the speakers and the queens dancing happily on the stage.

After an initial show one of the ladies came forward with a microphone. “Hello there, ladies, gentlemen, and other persons of finery. Are you having fun?” They all roared in agreement. “Glad to hear it! Now, we heard that there’s a lovely lady down there who needs to choose one man out of aaaaaaaaaall of you. So, my ladies and I decided it’s not enough for _us_ to be dancing up here. It’s time we had some partners too! Who’s brave enough to come on up?”

Oh, no. Ford shrank down and tried to hide himself. He hadn’t tried to dance in public since Fiddleford’s bachelor party and that had been an unqualified disaster. Still, to his left and right the other men were leaping up to show off their moves.

Flavion was the first to make it to the stage, followed closely by Kevin and Stan. He gestured for the other two to go first. Kevin wiggled his hips and Stan started doing a decent two-step. Then Flavion started moving and everyone else forgot they were even trying to dance. Flavion was dancing like he’d learned to do it before he could walk, like motion was a second language to him. Even Mika had her jaw on the floor watching him. Then he gestured for her to come up onto the stage with him and it was like she was caught on a line he was reeling in. 

Mika didn’t dance nearly as well as Flavion, but he was beautiful enough for the two of them. He danced in circles around her, always keeping his movements oriented toward her. Mika wouldn’t stop smiling. She was clearly hypnotised by his amazing skills. The other men didn’t look happy about it. Ford sat watching them with a sinking feeling in his gut. So this was what men who had a way with women were like. 

Jarrod plopped down in the seat next to Ford, letting out a sigh as he sat. “Yeah, I hate good dancers too. Next he’ll be telling us he’s a musician too, the jerk.”

Ford chuckled despite himself. “I guess not every competition can be a math meet. I’m just glad the selection ceremony isn’t until tomorrow. This hasn’t been my finest day.”

“Eh. You’re doing better than the homophobes in the group. Mika was glaring daggers at them earlier.” Jarrod paused and considered Ford for a moment. “You know, you don’t seem that bad, Pines. Better than your brother at any rate. It’s a shame I’m going to have to crush you.”

“Oh...kay.” Ford quirked an eyebrow. “Do you keep threatening everyone like this or do you just consider me personally to be a threat?”

Jarrod laughed. “Let’s just say, every season needs a villain. Watch yourself, Pines. I’m going to get you _and_ your stupid brother!”

His words brought back unsavory memories of the many bullies Ford had dealt with through his childhood and teens. They weren’t pleasant memories, but these days they still paled in comparison to his experiences with Bill. This show, this man before him, they were nothing compared to even the more mundane dangers of Gravity Falls. Whatever happened, whether he was eliminated or not, Ford knew he had nothing to be afraid of. 

“Sure,” Ford said at last. His voice rang with confidence. “Do your worst. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get up there and dance a bit.”

Ford didn’t know if the cameras followed him or not, but Stan smiled and made room for him on the stage. That was all that mattered. 

**Later**

His plan went into effect late that night. It had been easy to rig up a simple motion detector from Stan's cell phone and a novelty light-up keychain. So Ford got an alert when Mika left her room at 3AM, as he'd suspected she would.

He quietly went into the hall and listened. He heard the back open and discretely close. Then he went to the window and peered outside. Mika was in her swimsuit, walking briskly to the edge of the pool. She was smiling. Looking more natural than she had all day. For a moment Ford felt a stab of guilt. He didn’t want to invade Mika’s one moment of privacy that day. At the same time, he knew this was his only chance to make an impression before the elimination ceremony tomorrow. 

He clutched his journal as he went outside, a touch of the familiar as he traveled into the unknown. He was struck with the sudden feeling that he didn't want to be here. He wanted to be at home in his bed, getting ready for a day of adventure in the wilds of Gravity Falls, not selling himself for the sake of television and money. It was enough to make Ford hesitate. Instead of approaching Mika he walked around the edge of the pool and settled into a chair at its side.His heart was beating fast. He flipped his journal open and tried to think of something to write.

He heard splashing near him. “I guess I've been caught sneaking out,” Mika said. She sounded rueful but not overly upset. “Are you here to plead your case?”

Ford blushed. Was he really that easy to see through? “I just wanted a chance to talk to you, one where you weren’t surrounded by twenty men and a camera crew.”

“It _is_ pretty overwhelming,” Mika admitted. She pulled herself out of the pool and sat on its edge. Ford blinked in surprise. She looked beautiful, sitting there in her swimsuit with the water glistening off of her. But it was more than that. There was the way she slouched, the way her stomach protruded, and the way the water matted down her hair. For the first time since they’d met Ford was able to see that she was a real, normal person underneath all the glamor and make-up the television crew applied to her. He wondered if she was seeing him the same way. 

“So,” she asked, “did you have fun today? At the drag show?”

“I...don’t know if fun is the right word,” Ford admitted. “I did enjoy the dancing at the end though. It’s been quite a while since I last danced.”

“Yeah? How long? When was the last time you danced?” Mika seemed genuinely interested, Ford was chagrined to notice. He had hoped he could skip recounting this particular story today. 

“It was...at a friend’s bachelor party,” he said hesitantly.

Mika leaned closer, a grin on her face. “Oh, this sounds like it must be a good one!”

“Yes, well, perhaps. You see I had never been to a bachelor party before, though I was aware of their, er, reputations…”

“You wound up dancing with strippers didn’t you?”

Ford felt his face grow bright red. “Not on purpose! It wasn’t even supposed to be that kind of a party! Fiddleford’s friend Ernie hired some ladies as a surprise and they started their performance while I had my backed turned and I was just dancing to the music after a few drinks and…”

He had to pause because Mika was suddenly laughing too hard for him to continue. He didn’t know if he should be embarrassed or relieved that he could stop talking. Either way he continued to blush. He’d never told this story to anyone before. Stan would have mocked him forever for it and nobody else needed to know. He supposed this ridiculous competition had him saying stupid things now.

Finally Mika’s laughter subsided. “I’m sorry, you just seemed so flustered! I shouldn’t be mean though. It was brave of you to tell me about that. Plus ten points for, uh, Stanford, right?”

Ford nodded but Mika continued to look uncertain. Then he remembered that she wasn’t wearing her glasses. Maybe, hopefully, that was why she hadn’t recognized him, not because she thought she was confusing him with his brother.

“That’s right,” he said. “And are you saying there’s a point system?”

Mika jumped back into the shallow end of the pool and began to float on her back. “There may as well be at this stage, y’know? No one’s really had a chance to try and woo me beyond a minute or two here and there.” She sighed. “It’s really exhausting right now. Hopefully it’ll be easier once I’m down to ten of you. And hopefully someone in those ten will actually like me.”

Ford bit his lip. He felt guilty suddenly. “Are you really looking for a husband through this show? It seems like a very unlikely way to find love.”

“I...I don’t entirely know I suppose.” She stood back up. “I just thought I’d audition for fun at first, but when I got the part I started getting really excited. Dating is always just so hard and I...I’ve been alone for a while.” She looked down sadly, lost in her own memories. “There was someone I was with for a long time. She and I were so in love that people around us thought we were the perfect couple. Then one day things weren’t working anymore, even though we still loved each other so much. It broke my heart but I had to end things. I’ve been on my own ever since. It’s been hard.”

“I can imagine,” Ford said delicately. “Or, well, maybe I can’t. I’ve never been in a real relationship before.”

“Really?” Mika said with genuine surprise. “But you’re so adorable!”

Ford was taken aback. “You think I’m adorable?”

“Sorry, should I have said handsome? You’re handsome too. I just haven’t gotten much chance to know you beyond your looks.” She shrugged apologetically.

He waved it off. “No, I mean, it’s just that no one’s ever said something like that about me before. Apart from Ma, anyway.”

“You mean you’ve never been complimented before? At all?”

Ford thought back to the many times his intelligence had been praised growing up. It had been nice, but it was the only thing that people had praised him for. Being called handsome and adorable, that was different.

“Not like this,” he said with a faint blush. “You make me sound, well, desirable.”

Mika laughed. “That’s because you are, you goofball! And I’m not the only one who thinks so. You’re on this show for a reason. Someone saw your audition video and said ‘That’s someone I want to see fall in love on national television!’”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” Ford admitted. “I just assumed the network wanted the drama of two twins on their show. I guess they must have thought we had a handsome face too.”

“There you go. That’s the spirit!” She walked to the edge of the pool and leaned against the wall, looking up at Ford with a coy smile. “Now, in order for you to get maximum points, this is the time for you to say something nice about _me_.”

Ford chuckled. “Well, you’re certainly outgoing. You remind me of my brother actually. He’s great with people too.”

“He’s certainly a charmer, but you’re changing the subject. We’re talking about me right now, remember?”

“The entire show is about you. Aren’t you getting tired of that by now?”

Mika’s grin dropped and for the first time she didn’t look happy to see him. “This isn’t just about me getting attention, you know. I know why you’re all really here. You want a chance at that million dollars and you’re more than happy to play at loving me to get it!” She splashed angrily at the water beside her. “So what if I decided to speak my mind? You’re just going to act like I’m the most profound woman you’ve ever met no matter what I say!”

Her voice cracked slightly at the end and she turned away in embarrassment. For his part, Ford had no idea what he should say next. He couldn’t insult her because she seemed too sincere and he could praise her without sounding like he was just trying to get more points from her.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last. “Being on this show has been plenty stressful for me. I’m sure it’s been worse for you.” On a whim he decided to take off his shoes and roll up his pant legs before walking over to the water and sticking his legs in. “Would you like to talk about something else?”

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Mika admitted. 

“So…” Ford searched for a topic. “Are you really into gaming? You seemed pretty excited about the dice I gave you.”

Mika immediately brightened. “Oh yeah, I play role-playing games all the time! Do you want to hear about some of my campaigns?”

“Yes, I would,” Ford said and, to his surprise, he meant it. 

But he still didn't forget the points he was earning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotions are complicated things, as Ford and Mika are discovering. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I definitely enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Got any questions, comments, or critiques? Leave me a review or feel free to reach out to me on tumblr at comicgeekery!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by the Bachelor line of products, which I have never actually watched. I just thought it would be fun to put the Stans in that situation and see how things turn out! I hope you enjoy the story so far!


End file.
